It would be easy to answer the question, “How are you?” or “How’ve you been?” The quick and over used answer would be “I’m good” or ” I’m doing fine.” But how much truth would be behind it? None? or maybe just a bit. It could even be a way to hide the true feelings [about your life] or to divert someone’s interest on how you really are doing. I on the other hand, have decided to make an extra effort to be a little different and creative with my response. Sometimes I’m successful and other times, I’m not. With that said, I’m asking myself, How am I? How am I doing really?

In short, I don’t really know how I’m doing. I can say overall, I’m okay. I have a part-time job, a roof over my head, and a warm place to sleep each night. I have a few really great friends and my family. Generally speaking, I am okay. Now if I dig a little deeper, I would say that I’m just barely getting by and putting the pieces of my life together. The part-time job I hold is barely giving me enough income to feed myself. I have no car, and finding another job or even a full-time job is particularly difficult right now. I’m in the stages of figuring out what is best for me and my life. I’m working on regaining control over my life. I know it isn’t a quick process but is definitely a process I must start to indulge in. I’m diving in with no expectations, knowing it won’t be easy.

Again, asking myself ‘how I’m doing’, past all that, I can’t complain. I have a more than wonderful girlfriend, who, although we’re working out our issues, is more than loving, caring, and supportive. She keeps me sane and makes me overly excited and happy. She never fails to give me the reality checks I need. She has redefined my ideals in a lady. And it is my every intention to keep her in my life for as long as she’ll have me. She is what people call a “keeper”. I am one very lucky guy to have the privilege of her presence in my life.

I have begun to let myself revolve around questions I can’t answer. The ‘why’s’ and ‘what am i doing with my life?’ questions. When I now see I need to focus on the ‘how’s’ and the ‘what I want’. Someone once told me that only I can create the change I want to see. Which is true. I need to ask myself “how am I going to move forward?”, “What is the next step I need to take?” Those are the questions I need to wrap my mind around. Through those questions I can develop a plan of action, seek out the paths I need to take, find my direction, and reach that sense of happiness, success, and accomplishment. Self achievement. Confidence. And the strength I once had. My favorite quote from Disney’s “Meet the Robinsons”, “Keep Moving Forward”. As simple as three words, I need to keep moving forward. I need to let go of the past that haunts me. The past that I can’t change. If I don’t move forward, I’ll be stuck in the “what ifs”. It will only be a waste of time. It will only take away from the time I can use being productive. I can only learn from my mistakes, learn from my past, and learn from my “self pity”. I must now turn that all into my motivation and drive to keep moving forward.

For a while I told myself that complaining about all that was wrong with my life was a waste of time. I put a stop to my complaining and moved on. When I let go of the complaining I started to make things happen. Then for whatever reason I retracted, I went backwards and found myself right back into that place where I wasn’t happy and true to myself. However, I am now setting myself to be on the right track again but this time my goal is to not fall off that track.

-Shaun